telepono

Diary Entry #11: Second Chance

telepono — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:30:00 +0000

*Mikaela's Point-of-View*

Sweldo day today kaya naman punta ako sa mall para mag-grocery after work. Pagkatapos kong bilhin ang mga dapat kong bilhin, punta agad ako sa isang fastfood para kumain ng dinner.

Medyo madaming tao na sa pinuntahan kong fastfood kaya naman naisip ko munang maghanap ng mauupuan bago ako mag-order. Mabigat naman din kasi ang dala kong dalawang bag ng groceries.

Habang naglilibot, napansin ko yung isang grupo na nagtatawanan sa isang gilid. Suot kasi nila yung uniform ng Aeronautics school na pinapasukan ni Leo. Nagulat ako ng marinig kong tawagin ako ng isa sa kanila noong dumaan ako sa table nila.

“Mika?”

Lumingon ako at saka ko lang napansin ang lalaking nakaupo malapit sa bintana. “Leo?”

“Mika! What a nice surprise! Halika, ipapakilala kita sa mga friends ko.” He was smiling as he stood, and his voice told me that he was really happy to see me there. “Mika, these are my friends from the Aeronautics team.” Isa-isa niyang pinakilala sa akin ang mga friends niya. “This is Shane. And that one is Arthur. At eto namang makulit na ito ay si Kevin. This was the guy that saved my life.”

Both Shane and Arthur gave a polite “Hi”. Si Kevin naman, tumayo at nakipag-kamay sa akin. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mika. Lagi kang kinukwento sa amin nitong si Pareng Leo eh.” He said, grinning afterwards.

“Ah, okay.” Sabi ko habang nakikipag-shake hands sa kanya. Napansin kong biglang bumungisngis sina Shane at Arthur as Leo gave dagger looks to Kevin.

“Um, Mika, kumain ka na ba? Why don’t you join us?” Leo invited, moving away from his seat.

“Ay, naku wag na. Baka nakakaistorbo pa ako sa inyo.” Sagot ko.

“Ah hindi naman, miss. Sa totoo lang, paalis na kaming tatlo nila Arthur eh. Di ba guys?” I caught him winking to the other two who was sitting across him and Leo.

“Ha? Ano? Ah, oo tama. Tama. Paalis na kami. Di ba Arthur?” sagot ni Shane sabay siko kay Arthur.

“Oo… Oo… Kailangan ko pa palang mag-review para sa exam ko bukas. Sige una na kami ha, Leo?”

“Ha? Anong exam sinasabi mo? Wala naman tayong pasok bukas ha?” Leo frowned.

Pero nagmamadali nang tumayo at umalis ang tatlo, still with a big grin on their faces. “Kaya mo yan, pre! This is your chance!” sabi ni Kevin sabay tapik sa shoulder ni Leo.

“What the—Bumalik kayo dito! Hoy!” Leo protested.

Ang lakas ng tawanan nila habang lumalabas ng fastfood. Kumaway pa sila ng pang-asar bago tuluyan umalis. “See you tomorrow, Leo!”

“May pasok kayo bukas?” I asked.

“Wala naman. Ewan ko ba dun sa mga yun. Mga sira-ulo talaga.” He turned to me and asked. “Akin na nga yan. Kumain ka na ba?” Kinuha niya yung dalawang bag mula sa kamay ko at nilagay sa pwesto na iniwanan nila Arthur at Shane.

“Umm, hindi pa eh.” I said “Teka, bibili muna ako.”

“Ako na. Umupo ka na lang dyan. Sabihin mo sa waiter pakilinis yung table, okay?”

“Hindi na. Ako na Leo.” I protested, but he ignored me and went to the line at the counter. Wala na akong nagawa kungdi tawagin yung waiter para linisin yung table na kinainan nila. Hindi ko rin naman maiwan yung table kasi iniwan ni Leo ang bag niya. Eh kung me magnakaw noon? Ako pa may kasalanan.

Teka… di ko nasabi kay Leo kung ano ang order ko ah? Ah, di bale na nga. Pag di ko nagustuhan, e di sya na lang kumain. Pera naman niya yun eh.

Habang nililinis ang table namin, I began to look around and realized na Japanese fastfood pala ang pinasukan ko. Suddenly, I remembered Carl. He always took me to a Japanese fastfood or restaurant when we go on a date. Para daw masanay ako sa Japanese food before we go to Japan.

Sadly, di na matutuloy yung trip to Japan na yun. Pinacancel ko na yung ticket ko at tinago ko na yung Visa ko.

Halos 2 months na simula ng huli kaming nagkita at nag-usap ni Carl. Ever since we broke up, I was not able to hear anything from him. Masakit pa rin tuwing naalala ko, pero di na katulad ng dati. The first weeks after the breakup were Hell. I would break down and cry at every single thing that reminded me of Carl. Para makalimot sa heartbreak ko, nilunod ko na lang ang sarili ko sa trabaho. Malaking tulong din na laging andyan ang friends and family ko to support me. They were the ones who helped me pick myself up and move on with my life.

Sa totoo lang, kung hindi ako pinuntahan ni Leo nung gabing yun, malamang nagpakamatay na ako. Back then, Carl was my very life. So without him, I feel like I would die and that my life was meaningless. But for the next few hours of that evening, Leo made me forget about my heartache, and I realized that there was more to my life before and after Carl. Everything that I had before were still here and killing myself would get me nowhere. I could still live. I could still reach my dreams. Even with him out of my life.

When I woke up after that night, there was barely any sign that Leo and I had camped there. Last thing I remembered, I was sleeping beside Leo under the window. Pero pag gising ko, nandito na ako sa kama natutulog. Paglabas ko ng kwarto, nasa kitchen si Kuya, kumakain ng breakfast. Tinanong ko kung nasaan sina Leo at Din-din. Sabi niya, umalis daw nung pinalayas ko sila. So I thought that maybe, what had happened last night had been a dream. I went back to my room to change my clothes. Bago ako lumabas ulit ay dinaanan ko ang bintana kung saan ako nakatulog kagabi.

And I noticed the muddy footprints on the windowsill and on the carpet underneath the window. It was all the evidence I needed. Leo had been in my room last night to comfort me. Just remembering it made me smile.

Coz technically, me being here… I owe it all to Leo.

Speaking of which…

“Sorry, Mika. Ubos na daw ang red ice tea nila eh. Kaya large Coke na lang ang kinuha ko.”

I was about to protest pero naalala ko. Si Carl lang naman ang nagsabi na di ako pwedeng uminom ng Coke eh. Ngayong wala na si Carl sa buhay ko, isn’t it about time for me to enjoy my favorite softdrink? “Anong inorder mo?”

“Beef misono*. Natikman mo na yun?”

“Yup. Yun nga ang orderin ko kanina eh.”

“Ah, I knew you’d like it. You always love to eat beef.”

I smiled. He still remembers. Even the smallest things about me. “Ikaw? Di ka kakain?”

“Nag-order ako ng California Maki.”

I took out my wallet and gave P150 to Leo. “Teka, di ba P130 yung beef misono? Eto oh. Bigyan mo na lang ako ng twenty.”

“No need to pay me, Mika. It’s my treat.” He smiled.

“Talaga? Sigurado kang libre mo ito?”

He nodded. “Sige bahala ka. Wala akong utang sa iyo ako ah.”

He laughed at me, at maya maya lang tumawa na rin ako. It’s been a while since I last heard him laugh and I missed it.

Maya maya lang dumating na ang pagkain naming dalawa. Nagulat si Leo nang humingi ako ng chopsticks para sa akin. Syempre sanay na akong gumamit dahil nga lagi kaming kumakain ng Japanese food ni Carl. Pero di pa ako masyadong magaling, at nalalaglag pa rin yung kanin pag kumakain ako. Nag-away kami ni Leo dahil ayaw kong gumamit ng kutsara at tinidor. Ang kalat ko kasi kumain.

Nang maubos na ni Leo ang inorder niya na 8pcs. ng California Maki, pinanood na lang niya akong matapos kumain.

“Mika?”

“Hmm?”

“Umm… I… I’m not asking you anything… I… I know you still need time to get over your past relationship but--”

Alam ko na kung san papunta ang usapan. Pero alam ko na rin kung ano ang dapat kong isagot.

“I’m sorry, Leo… Pero… di ko pa kayang pumasok ulit isang sa relationship… Not yet… I hope you understand…”

“Hindi naman yun ang gusto kong sabihin…” he murmured.

Tahimik kong tinapos ang pagkain. Leo felt a bit uneasy after the conversation, at pakiramdam ko, may mali na naman akong ginawa. I had hurt Leo again. Pero sinabi ko lang naman ang totoo. Di ko pa kayang pumasok ulit sa isang relationship ngayon. Di pa masyadong naghihilom ang sugat na iniwan sa akin ni Carl.

“It’s getting late. I better go.” Sabi ko.

“Ako na magdadala niyan.”

“Hindi ako na.”

“I insist.”

I sighed. Mabigat din naman yung groceries eh. Pinabayaan ko na lang siya dun sa isang plastic bag. Yung mas magaan ang dinala ko. Sabay na kaming naglakad papunta sa sakayan ng FX.

“Kamusta ka na?” he asked.

“Ok lang naman.” I answered, not looking at his face. “How about you?”

“Not ok.” He said.

I looked up at him, and saw the seriousness in his face. He refused to look at me as he spoke. “I am with the person I love and I cannot do a thing to make her happy.”

I fell silent. Di ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin yun.

Medyo malapit na kami sa sakayan. Pagdating doon, pwede na kaming maghiwalay ni Leo. Honestly, nalulungkot ako dahil doon. Nang biglang…

“Eto pala… Eto pala ang dahilan kung bakit wala ka nang pakialam sa akin, Mikaela…”

Pareho kaming nagulat ni Leo at sabay kaming tumingin sa may-ari ng boses.

“Carl…” I whispered.

“Kaya pala parang wala lang sa iyo yung nangyari sa atin! Hinihintay mo lang na bitawan kita para bumalik ka na dyan sa lalake mo!” Carl yelled.

“No, Carl. You don’t understand. Nagkataon lang na nandito si Leo—“

“SHUT UP! Kung talagang mahal mo pa ako, sumama ka na sa akin ngayon, Mikaela.”

I stepped back. No… I don’t want to see him right now when I am starting to get over him. I’m not just ready to face him right now.

“Please, Mikaela. Sumama ka na sa akin. Sobrang nahihirapan na ako na magkalayo tayo ng ganito. Tigilan na natin ito, Mikaela. Bumalik ka na sa akin, please? Ako naman talaga ang mahal mo hindi ba.”

Di ko na napigilan umiyak. “Carl… Please… Stop it.”

“Mikaela… I’m sorry for whatever I said to you. I love you. I still love you.”

I was confused again. Do I really want him back? Am I ready to suffer the same fate I suffered before? No.

“Stop it, Carl. Okay? I… I’ve thought it over… I-I don’t want to go back with you anymore.”

“But, Mikaela… I love you. Please give me a second chance.” He said softly.

“I’m sick of this, Carl. Sukang-suka na ako. Noong tayo pa, halos araw-araw na lang tayo nag-aaway sa mga parehong bagay. Lagi ka na lang may pinagseselosan. Lagi ka na lang nagagalit sa akin pag may kausap akong iba. Gusto mo lahat ng oras ko sa iyo na lang… At anong nangyari sa akin, Carl? After all I did… After all that… You still thought that I was being unfaithful and uncaring. Ayoko na Carl. Ayoko na. If there is one thing that I realized when we broke up, it’s that I had loved you too much. At nabulag ako ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo, Carl. Pero di na ngayon. Hindi ko kayang magmahal ng isang tao na di marunong magtiwala sa akin.”

“Halika na, Mikaela!” He became angry again and tried to grab my hand. But Leo blocked his move, preventing Carl from taking my hand.

“The girl said ‘no.’” Leo muttered. At the tone of his voice, alam kong nagpipigil ng galit itong si Leo.

“IKAW!” sigaw ni Carl sabay suntok sa mukha ni Leo.

Buti na lang at nakailag si Leo. Akala ko mababagsakan niya ako so I screamed. “Mika!” Leo yelled.

Bumwelo ulit si Carl para pangalawang suntok, pero naunahan siya ni Leo this time. Leo’s right fist connected with Carl’s left cheek. Carl staggered back, dazed with the strength of Leo’s punch. Blood began to trickle down Carl’s lips as Leo stepped back, shielding me from Carl.

Aatake pa sana si Carl pero naunahan na siyang pigilan ng mga security guard ng mall. Pumapalag pa rin si Carl kahit 3 security guard na ang pumipigil sa kaniya. Dinala kaming tatlo sa mall administrator kung saan kinausap kami ng Head Security habang ginagamot sina Carl at Leo. When all has been settled, pinauna na kaming umuwi ni Leo, habang si Carl, magdamag na natulog doon sa security area.

Nasira yung ibang pinamili kong groceries dahil naipit noong nag-sapakan sina Leo at Carl, kaya naman dumaan muna kami sa isang convenience store kung saan pinalitan ni Leo yung mga items na nabasag at nasira. Pagkatapos noon ay hinatid niya ako hanggang sa bahay. Nagulat si Kuya dahil kasama ko si Leo pag-uwi, pero di na siya nagtaka. He even welcomed Leo inside and we all had dinner together. After that, Kuya offered that Leo stay over in the night. Mga 11 pm na rin kasi. Pero ayaw ni Leo, kaya naman sinamahan na lang siya ni Kuya hanggang sa sakayan.

And while I was alone in the house, saka lang nag sink in sa akin kung ano ang nangyari.

Kahit na nag makaawa sa akin si Carl… kahit na nag-offer na syang magbalikan kami…

Hindi ako pumayag.

Maybe its because I don’t love Carl anymore.

To be continued...

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

Footnote:
*Para po sa mga di pa nakakakain ng Japanese food, eto po ang hitsura ng Beef Misono. Para lang siyang ginisang Beef. Kuha po yan ng Beef Misono meal sa Tokyo Tokyo. (Picture is not mine.)

Diary Entry # 10: Consuelo

telepono — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:17:00 +0000

*Mikaela's Point-of-View*

Di ko namalayan na nakatulog ako kakaiyak hanggang sa bigla na lang ako magising dahil sa isang malakas na kalabog sa kwarto ko. I fell asleep facing the wall, so I didn’t know who it was that suddenly entered my room or what I am going to do about it. Naramdaman ko na biglang gumalaw ang bed ko as the stranger sat beside me. In my mind I swore. Wag nya akong hahawakan kung hindi makakatikim siya ng hampas!

“Mika?” he asked, his voice almost like a whisper in its softness.

WTF? Leo?!

For a few minutes he just sat there, brushing my hair with his fingers. Suddenly, I felt him pull the blanket from underneath him and he covered my whole body with it.

“Rest well, my love.” He whispered in my ear before standing from my bed and walking away.

“What are you doing here in my room, Leo?” I said without turning around. “Get out.”

The footsteps stopped. I strained to listen for his presence. Alam kong di pa rin siya umaalis.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Get out!” I said, louder this time. Bumangon na ako sa kama at galit syang hinanap sa dilim ng aking kwarto. Buti na lang at may poste ng ilaw malapit sa bintana ko and its dim light managed to shed a little light in my dark room. At wala na rin yung ulan kanina. It helped me find where exactly he stood.

“Is that what you really want me to do, Mikaela?” tanong niya. “Do you really want me to leave?”

I did not answer. Because truthfully, I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to stay here. To listen to me. To comfort me. Because, he is the only one that’s here for me right now.

But I also don’t want him to see me at my worst.

I expected him to walk away. But instead, he walked towards me and sat crosslegged on the floor beside my bed. “When Kristine and I broke up, I could barely think straight. I had to talk to someone, or I would go crazy thinking about what I did wrong. So I dialed the first number that came to mind. And you answered.” He looked up to me. “So please, Mikaela… Just this time around… Let me return the favor.”

And so for the rest of the night, he stayed there, sitting still by my bedside and waiting for me to talk to him. At first I thought that if I pretended to go back to sleep, he will give up and walk away. But he didn’t leave his place. He just sat there. Tahimik lang. Hanggang sa ako na ang sumuko.

“Hindi ka ba talaga aalis dyan?” I asked, turning around so I could see his back.

“Hindi.”

Umupo na ako sa kama. “Sisigaw ako.”

“Go ahead.”

“Tatawag ako ng pulis.”

“Ok lang. I can bail myself out.”

Naiirita na ako. Ang kulit mo talaga Leo! “Talaga bang kaya mong maghintay dyan?”

“Kung para sa iyo, oo.”

“Hindi ka ba nahihirapan niyan? Paano kung hindi kita kausapin?”

“I was able to wait for two years. A few hours sitting like this wouldn’t be too hard.”

Medyo matagal bago ko narealize kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin. Even after all these years that I was with Carl, that I didn’t talk to him, that I ended whatever was between us… Leo was still there, waiting and hoping that I would come back to him.

“Nakakainis ka talaga.” I managed to mumble the words before falling into another crying fit. At that moment, Leo stood up from where he sat and hugged me. For a few moments I just let it pour all out. “I feel really stupid right now.” I told him afterwards.

“Shh… Its alright, Mikaela. I don’t mind.” Leo said, kissing my forehead. “I love you just the way you are.”

“Paano… Paano mo yun nagagawa, Leo?” I sobbed. My throat still feels painful after all that crying and my voice kept breaking as I talked. “How… How can you love someone as stupid and… and insensitive… and childish… as me?”

He chuckled. “I asked the same question myself. ‘How come someone as sane as Mikaela still sticks around with an insane and prideful person like me?’”

“Kung yung sinasabi mo eh nung highschool, wala akong magagawa noon. It really was our teacher’s fault.”

Nagulat ako when I saw Leo grin. “Actually, it was my fault.”

“What?!”

“It was my revenge for getting me into the student council. I was trying to see just how much of me you can take. So I told all the teachers that I like you and that I want to always be in the same group that you do. I didn’t think they would be easy to convince.”

“What the F! So you mean all that pairing and grouping in highschool was just a freakin setup?”

He refused to answer the question and just grinned. Agad kong kinuha yung unan ko at pinaghahampas sya nito.

“Ikaw! Kasalanan mo pala yun! Alam mo ba kung gaano kalaking kahihiyan ang inabot ko noon?! Muntik na akong mabugbog ng mga fangirls mo!”

“Ow! Stop it Mika! I’m sorry, okay? I stopped doing that after that incident, okay? It’s not my fault that our teachers continued to pair us up.” He smiled. “It did prove one thing though.”

“And what is that?” I frowned.

“Na ikaw lang talaga ang nag-iisang taong nakatagal sa akin.”

Natigilan ako. “What about your girlfriend? Kristine?”

“She got tired of me when I became too focused with the Aeronautics Team. She was the one who wanted to get into the relationship in the first place anyway.” Leo sighed.

“Dapat kasi binigyan mo sya ng oras.” Tanong ko. “You did love her, right?”

“Yes, I did. But, I had too much in my hands that time. I could hardly manage everything at once.” His voice was sad. Parang naalala niya ulit yung mga memories nila ni Kristine. "Kristine... she was a great girl... but she doesn't like it when I do the things that I like to do and then, one day, we broke up."

“Kasalanan mo yan. Di ka kasi marunong humingi ng tulong sa ibang tao eh.” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. You’re right." Agad na bumalik yung dating Leo. Yung mayabang na Leo na nakilala ko noong Highschool. "But hey, I can’t just leave the whole projects to people who can’t do it right!”

“Ah ewan ko sa iyo, Leo. Di ka pa rin nagbabago!” I said, rolling my eyes.

Nagulat ako nang hindi na sumagot si Leo. I caught him staring at me, smiling happily.

“What?”

“I’m just happy.”

“About what?”

“Nothing.” He grinned.

Suddenly, my stomach grumbled. And I remembered how hungry I was. “Sorry.” I apologized.

“When did you last eat anyway?” Leo frowned. He jumped off my bed and went back to the dark space near my window. May narinig akong zipper, and I assumed he was opening his bag. I wrapped myself in my blanket and walked barefoot to where he was.

“Anong ginagawa mo dyan?”

“Where can I plug this?” he asked. Thinking he was going to plug his cellphone to charge, tinuro ko yung outlet sa likod ng study table ko kung saan nakasaksak din ang table lamp ko. Napansin ko na lang na may dala siyang isang malaking parang lata na may kurdon at nilagay ito sa desk ko. Then, he switched the table lamp on to find the outlet, and I realized just what it was that he was going to plug in.

“Teka! Ano yan?”

“A portable food heater.” he said as he found the outlet and plugged the socket in.

“At anong gagawin mo dyan? Magluluto ka dito sa kwarto ko?”

“Yes.”

“Anak ng—Wag ka dyan! Baka masunog mo ang desk ko!” Ang dami pa naming mahahalagang papeles ang nakatago doon.

“Relax. I do this all the time, okay? I’m not going to burn anything.” Leo went back to the bag and emptied a pack of noodles and a bottle of mineral water into his portable food heater.* After switching the food heater on, he walked back to his bag and took out a small pack of pistachio nuts. He opened the pack and offered the nuts to me. Syempre tatanggihan ko ba yun? Favorite ko yata ang pistachio nuts! I sat crosslegged on the carpeted floor and started munching on the nuts.

“Slow down, Mika! Mabubusog ka agad niyan eh.” Sabi ni Leo habang hinahalo ang noodles sa food heater. “Sayang naman itong noodles.”

A few minutes later, naamoy ko na ang niluluto niyang instant beef noodles. The smell alone was enough to make me hungry again. He then took out a Styrofoam bowl from his bag and carefully poured the cooked noodles on it.

“Here. Eat.” He said, giving me the styro bowl and a spork.

“Paano ka?”

He took the pistachio nuts from my hands and began to eat it.

“Hoy! Wag mong ubusin yan!” reklamo ko. "Favorite ko yan eh."

“Oo na! Basta kumain ka na dyan.” He began to shuffle through his bag and took out an old paperback copy of “The Little Prince”. Then, he adjusted the position of my table lamp so that the light was directed to me and to the noodles in front of me.

Habang hinihintay ko na lumamig ng konti yung noodles, nagtanong ako. “Bakit andami mo yatang dalang pagkain? Don’t tell me araw-araw mo dala lahat ng ito sa school?”

“Yup.” He replied with no hesitation.

“Ano?! Sira-ulo ka pala talaga eh. Di mo naman kailangan dalhin lahat ng ito eh. Kaya laging sumasakit likod mo eh.”

“I’m just thinking ahead. Paano kung mag-crash ang airplane na sinasakyan ko? At least I have supplies.”

“Eh wala ka naman pwedeng saksakan ng kuryente sa isang abandoned island ah.”

“Well, I could still use the heater as a mug. Besides, ginagamit ko talaga yan para mag-reheat ng lunch ko sa school.”

“Kung gusto mo ng mainit na pagkain, bumili ka sa karinderya or sa fastfood. Sinasayang mo ang kuryente ng school niyo eh.” I mumbled as I took my first sip at the noodles.

I watched him as he sat crosslegged across me and began to read the book that I gave him many years ago. Even back in highschool, he had been fond of airplanes. He said that one day, I would be riding the very airplane that he had designed and built. Kaya naman desidido talaga sya noon na pumasa sa Aeronautics school. I gave him that book as a birthday present and looking at it now brought a lot of old memories back. Napansin ko na madumi na ang fore-edge** at medyo madami na ang crease sa front at back cover. Halatang maraming beses na niya itong binasa before and I felt proud inside. It means he really loved the book that I gave him.

“Nasa iyo pa rin pala yan.” Sabi ko.

“Yup. It’s my favorite book.” He smiled. Nagkatinginan kami habang sabay na sinabi ang favorite quote namin from the book, him in French and me in English: “’It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.’”

“Kabisado mo pa rin pala ah.” I smiled.

“Of course.”

“Asan chapter ka na?”

“Chapter 21. The Little Prince meets the fox and tames him.”

“Ahh.” I silently continued to eat the noodles and watch him read. “My favorite chapter.”

Suddenly, he spoke. “You know what, Mikaela?”

“Hmm?”

“I did a research on the author, Exupery. And I realized just how similar the two of us are.” He looked up at me. “And you… You are like his wife, Consuelo.”

I blushed. Is he telling me that he wants me for his wife? “Seriously, Leo. You must be kidding me.”

“No. I’m serious. Like me, Antoine took Consuelo for granted. He went on a lot of air missions and had affairs with many women while Consuelo stayed at home, waiting for his return. But you know what, Mikaela?”

“What?”

“No matter how many women he has been with and no matter how many beautiful places he has been to, he still went back to their home and to Consuelo. The rose in the glass case. Because for him, Consuelo remains the most important woman in his life…’It is the time you have spent with your rose that makes your rose so important.’” He quoted.

I fell silent, not knowing what to answer to him. Alam ko kasi ang gusto niyang sabihin sa akin. Na ako ang kanyang Consuelo. Ang pinaka-importanteng babae para sa kanya.

But I can’t reciprocate his feelings to me now. No, not yet. Not when the wound that Carl gave me is still fresh. As if feeling my tension, he suddenly changed the topic. “The fox is probably the smartest character in this book.” He pointed to the picture and I nodded in agreement.

And so the night went on with me and Leo chatting about random things and eating whatever food supply his bag contains. When we had practically emptied the bag of its contents it was already 3 in the morning. I was getting sleepy now that I am not hungry anymore. We were both sitting underneath the window sill, reading the book together, and I didn’t realize that I had already fallen fast asleep. It was one of those dreamless sleeps, but it didn’t bother me.

Because it was the most restful sleep I have ever had since Carl had gone away.

To be continued...

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

Footnote:
*Para po sa mga di nakakaalam kung ano ang hitsura ng isang portable food heater, similar siya dito: http://www.birko.com.au/images/products/foodheater.gif . May nabibiling ganyan sa Quiapo at Divisoria. Mga P100 lang yung hindi branded at pwede kayong mag-init ng ulam at magpakulo ng tubig dyan.
**Fore-edge = eto yung gilid ng book na hindi naka-bind.Yung part na nabubuksan. (See picture here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book )

Diary Entry # 9: Breaking Down

telepono — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:19:00 +0000

Diary Entry # 9: Breaking Down

Why?

What did I do wrong?

I did everything… Everything for him… Everything to please him…

Why did he want to break up with me?

I feel so worthless. So useless…

Everything I did… It all went to nothing…

Carl… I loved Carl. Loved him with all my life, heart and soul.

But why? Why did he want to leave me? What did I do wrong?

It hurts. It hurts so much.

I just want to keep drifting away into sleep. Doon di ko na mararamdaman ang sakit. Doon di ko na mararamdaman ang gutom. Doon di ko na mararamdaman ang lungkot. Doon, kaya kong makasama si Carl habangbuhay.

Sa panaginip… Sa mundong iyon ko lang kayang mabuhay ngayon.

Kaya sana naman… wag nyo na akong gisingin pa…

I kept my eyes closed as the darkness began to settle down my window. Yes… the darkness… it is beginning to claim my soul as well.

Suddenly, a familiar voice shouted from outside my room. “Mika?”

No… Please… Don’t wake me up anymore… Please… I want to remain asleep…

“Mika! Are you alright? Speak to me!”

No… No… No! Let me sleep, Leo. Let me sleep.

“Mika. You need to eat! I won’t let you starve to death.”

I tried to keep my eyes shut, but the tears stained my pillow even before I was able to stop it. “You! It’s all your damn fault Leonard Arrevallo! Ikaw… Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit kami nag-hiwalay ni Carl!” I screamed.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Mikaela. But please, come out of that room now and eat.”

“Stop playing innocent with me, Leo. Please! I’m sick of it! Alam mo ba? Alam mo ba na sobra sobrang nag-seselos si Carl sa iyo? Kasi kahit na anong gawin ko… kahit na anong pilit ko… hindi pa rin kita makalimutan, Leo. Hindi ko kaya… Lagi na lang ikaw ang nasa isip ko. Lagi na lang ikaw ang inaalala ko. Hindi naman dapat ganun eh! Carl was right. I should be thinking about him. I should be worrying for him. Pero ano to? Ikaw pa rin ang pangalang sinasabi ko tuwing magkausap kami sa telepono. Lagi ko na lang siya kinukumpara sa iyo… Lagi na lang akong ‘Leo, Leo, Leo’… Ikaw… Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako iniwan. Kung bakit niya sinabi na di niya deserve ang isang katulad ko. Ikaw yun, Leo. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit umiiyak ako ng ganito! Kaya naman, Leo… Please… Leave me alone!!!”

“What a stupid thing to say, Mikaela!” Leo yelled.

I swore. “Ano bang alam mo, Leo? Ha? Hindi naman ikaw ang nawalan eh. Hindi naman ikaw ang nasaktan. Hindi naman ikaw ang nagmahal ng sobra sobra. Ano?! Leo?! Di ka na rin makasagot ano? Kasi yun naman ang totoo eh!”

“Shut up and listen to me!” he screamed. Natahimik ako. It was the first time I hear him scream. “I know how you feel, Mikaela. Because I had felt it. I had and still am feeling it! Can’t you see? I’m still suffering for the love that I had lost. For the girl whom I noticed way too late! Did you know why I never confessed to you before, Mikaela? It’s not because of that stupid childish promise we made to each other. No! Because I could easily forget about that promise and tell you right away how much I feel for you. But I didn’t. Why? Because I knew that you would always be there for me. Because I knew that you wouldn’t give your heart just to anybody. But look at you now! Crying for someone who didn’t deserve your love in the first place!”

“I LOVE CARL AND CARL LOVES ME TOO!!!”

“IF HE LOVES YOU HE WOULDN’T BE LETTING YOU CRY LIKE THIS! But where is your knight in shining armor now, huh? Mika? Where is he? At home! Thinking about you and how he had made you cry. But then what, Mika? Does he do something about it? NO! He lets you cry there like a sick puppy while he moves on with his life!”

“Shut up.”

“And what will happen if I shut up, Mika? What will happen? Will it be the end of the world? Will Carl come here and beat me up? Will things be okay between the two of you? Come on, Mika! You’re a lot smarter than that to know that nothing… I mean Nothing… will ever happen or change even if I do shut up!”

“Shut up!”

“Wake up, Mika! Carl never loved you. If he did, he would have accepted you for who you are! But look at yourself! Constantly running after him and obeying what he wants like an obedient puppy. My God, Mikaela! You were never this obedient even to your own parents! And where has all your ‘labor of love’ gone to? Huh? NOWHERE! That’s where! Nowhere! Nowhere but here inside your room crying your heart out until your whole body dehydrates and withers away! Just look at yourself! You are so pathetic! The Mikaela that I know would never stoop so low!”

“I SAID SHUT UP!!!”

Sa wakas tumigil na rin sa pagkonsensya si Leo. Pero yung mga luha ko, di pa rin tumitigil. I’m confused. Everything that Leo had said… They were the truth. The truth that still, up to now, I refuse to believe.

“Please… Just…” I sniffed. “Just leave me alone, Leo… Please…”

“Let’s go, Gerald.” Slowly, I heard his footsteps walk away.

I could hear Din-din arguing with him in the background. “Aalis na tayo, Fafa? Paano na si Mikaela? Huy! Ano ba? Kausapin mo naman ako…”

I hugged my pillow tighter and let the tears flow.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Ang tanga ko talaga! Bakit ko ba ginawa yun?! Now… Now even Leo has walked away. Now I’m all alone.

And I realize that it’s all my fault. Every single one of it.

Ikasiyam na tawag

telepono — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:18:00 +0000

Ikasiyam na tawag

5:56 p.m.

January 25, 2003

Arevallo Residence

Halos kararating pa lang ni Leonard galing school nang biglang nag-ring ang telepono nila. Since there was nobody at home besides him at that time, he immediately picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Fafa Leonard!!! Homhaygosh! Grahbeh! Pumunta ka dito dali!!!”

Leonard frowned. “Who is this?”

“Ay, anetch ba, Leonard. Si Gerald toh. Was na oras para makipag-chokaran! Punta ka na ditetch sa bahay ni Mikaela! Dali!!!”

Biglang kinabahan si Leonard at the mention of Mikaela’s name. “Why? What happened to Mika?”

“Itech kasing lolah moh. Kirarir yung papa niya kaya ayan Bitter Ocampo dahil break na sila. Hay nakuh! Na-iimbyerna na talaga ako sa boylet niyang yun! Ayan, crayola fatale ang lolah moh dahil sa baklush na yun.”*

Sa totoo lang, walang naintindihan si Leonard sa mga sinabi ni Gerald. But hearing the frustration in his/her voice convinced Leonard that something terrible did happen to Mikaela at kailangan niyang pumunta dun ngayon. “Where is she right now?”

“Andun sa kwarto niya. Emote ever. Sabi ng kuya niya di pa daw siya lumalafang buong araw. Naku! Worried na ako, fafa Leonard! Ayaw na niya kami kausapin. Baka nag-laslas na yung lolah moh!”

“Sh*t. I’ll be right there.”

Agad na binaba ni Leonard ang telepono at tumakbo sa ulan na walang dalang payong. Wala nang ibang nasa isip niya kundi ang makarating sa bahay nila Mikaela. Di na niya inisip na magkakasakit sya. O yung muntik na syang mabangga habang tumatawid.

Ang alam lang niya, kailangan niyang makarating sa bahay ni Mikaela as fast as he could.

Stupid Carl. He didn’t fulfill his promise. He didn’t take care of Mikaela. And now, I will take her back.

*Ang ibig sabihin ni Din-din dito ay “Masyado kasing sineryoso ni Mikaela ang boyfriend niya kaya sobrang lungkot na niya dahil break na silang dalawa. Naiirita talaga ako sa Carl na yan dahil sa ginawa niya kay Mikaela. Kaya ayan, todo iyak si Mikaela dahil kay Carl.” (Wala akong alam sa pag-gamit ng gay lingo. Kay sana patawarin ako ng mga gay na readers kung mali ang pag-gamit ko. Paki PM na lang po ako for corrections. Para sa translation at iba pang gay lingo, punta na lang kayo dito: http://wildquaker.blogspot.com/2007/12/gay-lingo-dictionary.html)

Diary Entry # 8: The Girl Who Was Always There

telepono — Sat, 30 May 2009 09:06:00 +0000

*Mikaela's Point-of-View*

I'm currently uploading sa Facebook account ko ng pictures namin ni Carl nung simbang gabi. I looked at our pictures and thought about how happy I was during those times that the pictures were taken. Ang kulit naming dalawa. Tinawagan niya ako ng maagang maaga. Tapos pinuntahan niya ako sa bahay. Eh hindi pa rin ako bumabangon, kaya ayon, kiniliti niya ako ng kiniliti hanggang sa magising ako. Aksidente ko pa nga siyang nasapak kasi akala ko kung sino yung kumikiliti sa akin eh.

Ang lamig talaga pag madaling araw. Giniginaw pa rin ako kahit na may suot na akong jacket habang naglalakad kami papunta sa church. Kaya hinubad ni Carl yung jacket niya at binigay sa akin. Ayoko nga tanggapin eh! Ang ginaw kaya! Paano na siya?

“Basta andito ka lang sa tabi ko, kahit sa North Pole, di ako giginawin.” He said, taking my hand into his.

“Hmph. Bola.” Sabi ko sa kanya. But inside, I was smiling.

Ah, yes. The little things that Carl does for me. Its just one of the many things I really love about him. He notices everything about me, and takes good care of me. And I know, that in the future, he will still be the same, even if he is already my husband.

*blush*

Yes. That early morning was perfect. Until we saw him, of course.

Nakaupo ako sa isang food stand habang hinihintay ang lugaw na inorder ni Carl para sa akin. Si Carl naman, pumunta sa kabilang food stand para bumili ng drinks namin. Maya maya lang ay inabot na ni Ate yung isang bowl ng lugaw na pagsasaluhan naming dalawa. Hinahalo ko ito para lumamig ng konti ng biglang may lalaki sa likod ko na nagsalita.

“Ate, magkano po dun sa lugaw?”

I turned, and came face to face with him.

“L-Leo?”

“M-Mika?”

For a moment nagkatitigan lang muna kami. I was shocked to see him there. Standing before me. He looks better now that the bandages have been removed from his eyes and he is wearing casual clothes again. Temporary blindness lang naman ang naranasan niya, and right now, okay na ulit ang vision niya. I wanted to talk to him. To ask him a lot of things. And then I realized… Oh sh*t! Carl!

“Anong ginagawa mo dito, Leo?” I asked angrily. “Umalis ka nga dito.”

Leo gave me a confused look. “I can’t. Mother’s still inside the church. Dito kami magkikita pagkatapos niyang magdasal.”

“Anak ng—Ano ba Leo! Alis na! Bilis!”

“Bakit? Ano bang meron, Mika? Di kita ma—“

“Love, eto na yung pineapple juice mo oh.” Carl greeted as he appeared out of nowhere, hawak ang dalawang baso ng juice. Tapos nakita niya si Leo nakatayo sa tabi ko. Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha nito habang nilalapag ang juice sa table. “May kausap ka pala, Mikaela. Ipakilala mo naman ako dyan sa friend mo.”

I gulped. I knew that Carl was already angry. And Leo. Oh dear. Leo… bakit kasi ngayon ka pa nagpakita! Napaka wrong timing mo talaga kahit kailan!

“Umm… Carl… this is Leo…” I gulped again. “Leo… this is Carl. My boyfriend.”

I could read the disappointment in Carl’s face after I said that as he reached his hand out to shake hands with Leo. Si Leo naman, parang di apektado sa reaction niyang yun at kinuha ang kamay ni Carl. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Carl.”

“Same here, Leo. Lagi ka nga kinukwento sa akin ni Mikaela eh.” Carl said with a sarcastic tone in his voice. Wala na akong nagawa kundi tumahimik. Alam ko naman kasi na ako ang pinariringgan niya eh.

Matagal akong tinitigan ni Leo habang nagsasalita sya. “Sana maganda ang mga nasabi sa iyo ni Mika about me. Please take good care of her for me.”

Totoo ba yung narinig kong yun? Leo’s really handing me over to Carl? Di ako makapaniwala! Bakit naman niya nagawa yun? Talaga yatang ako na lang ang di pa nakakapag move on sa aming dalawa.

Akala ko sasapakin na ni Carl si Leo nung nilapitan niya ito. Pero umupo lang siya sa gitna naming dalawa. “Of course I will, Leo. Lika, sumabay ka na sa amin dito kumain.”

Leo shook his head. “Hindi na. Kakatapos ko lang kumain. Sige. I have to go fetch Mother now. Bye Carl. Bye Mika.” He said, waving to me before walking away.

Sa wakas, nakahinga ako ng maluwag, kahit konti. Walang gulong nangyari sa kanilang dalawa. Akala ko talaga magkakaroon ng rambol eh.

“So… I’m just your boyfriend huh?” Carl mumbled.

“Huh?”

“I thought I was your future husband.”

“Love naman. Di ko pwedeng sabihin yun ano.”

“Dahil ba kinakahiya mo ako?”

“No!” Eto na naman po kami. “Baka kasi isipin niya mag-papakasal na ako soon kung sinabi ko yun.” Which is true. Leo is as prone to jumping into conclusions as Carl is. Though, syempre, iba pa rin itong si Carl. Mas paranoid kasi ito eh.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He grumbled. “You could have made it clear to him na ako ang gusto mo at hindi sya.”

I sighed in resignation. Ayokong makipag-away sa kanya. Lalo na at malapit na rin ang Pasko. “Ok. Next time.”

“And when will that be?”

Naiinis na ako. “Anong gusto mong gawin ko ngayon? Hanapin sya at puntahan para sabihin lang yun?”

“Ewan ko sa iyo.”

I sighed again at tahimik na lang kumain ng lugaw. Napansin ata ni Carl na nagtatampo na ako kaya agad siyang kumuha ng tissue at pinunasan ang lugaw na na-stuck sa cheek ko. “Akina nga yan. Ako ang magsusubo sa iyo.”

“Carl, wag na. Malaki na ako eh.”

He scooped a spoonful of lugaw and gently blew on it. “Sige na, oh. Aaaahhh!”

Syempre, tatanggihan ko ba naman yun? *blush*

For the rest of the day, di na namin pinag-usapan pa ang tungkol kay Leo at sa kung ano ang nangyari. Nag-enjoy na lang kaming dalawa na magkasama. Pumunta kami sa theme park at doon nagpakasaya parang dalawang bata.

Hmm… Kung hindi lang sana dumating si Leo, e di sana hindi nasira ang masayang araw na iyon.

An idea popped into my mind. Mayroon din kayang Facebook account si Leo?

Quickly, I typed in Leo’s full name sa search box at naghintay. Maraming lumabas na search result, pero I immediately found out which one was his. Halos walang laman ang Facebook account niya. Wala rin masyadong updates. I randomly clicked his tabs and saw one blog entry in his notes. Hindi ko dapat babasahin kung di ko lang nakita yung animated gif image ko dun sa post with the caption “The Girl Who Was Always There”. It was an animated .gif image of me back in highschool, slowly turning and smiling to the camera. Sa ilalim nito ay isang poem ang nakasulat.

For The Girl Who Was Always There

For you who had always been there,
When I needed someone the most.
For you who I can count on
Whenever worse comes to worst
For you who kept coming back
Whenever I try to push my luck
For you, the only girl whom I’ve trusted
With the secrets that I had confessed
For you who will always remain special in my heart
For you who in my destiny had become part
For you, whose hand is now held by somebody else
For you, whose love has passed me by while I was looking somewhere else
For you, the beautiful girl whom I noticed way too late.
Thank you, with all my heart and soul
Because of you, my life became whole
And no matter what happens
Even if I never see you again
I will always be here waiting for the phonecall
From the girl who was always there.

I made this poem for the girl who was always there. That's her in the picture. I was too busy trying to fix things about my life that I forgot about her and didn't notice she had walked away. When I turn around to face her, she was already gone. And in my place, someone else is making her happy.

I never thought that I would be saying this because, as she said, I had too much pride in my system. But when she walked away, I realized a lot of things. When you see the heart of someone close to you falling, do not waste time to find a net that will catch it securely. Take the risk and catch that person's heart with your hands. If it shatters into pieces or if someone caught it before you do, it doesn't mean that your efforts were futile. It means you did your best to try to save that heart because you love it, even if it wasn't meant to fall into your hands.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag-rereact. I never thought that Leo loved me this much. I opened his album and found our highschool pictures there. Karamihan ng mga pictures ay puro candid shots ko. Natutulog. Gising. Nag-aaral. Humihikab. Kumakain. Nag-sasayaw. Tumatakbo. Nagbabasa. Nagsusulat. Naglalaro ng jackstone. Nagtetext. Lahat na yata ng ginawa ko noong highschool may picture siya.

Does that mean he loved me even back then? And does this mean, he is still waiting for me to come back to him?

I will always be here waiting for the phonecall
From the girl who was always there.

To be continued...

Ikawalong tawag

telepono — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:03:00 +0000

Ikawalong tawag
9:35 p.m.
December 13, 2002
Benavidez Residence

Iniisip pa rin ni Mikaela ang mga sinabi ni Leonard ng biglang sumagot ang nasa kabilang linya.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Pwede po ba kay Carl?”

“Love, kararating ko lang dito sa bahay. Pwedeng bukas na lang tayo mag-usap? Inaantok na rin kasi ako eh.”

“Ayoko.”

“Ha? Bakit? Ano ba yun?”

“Is there something wrong, Carl? Kanina kasi di mo ako pinapansin.”

“Ha? Pinansin naman kita ah. Dun sa dyip, dib a?”

“Hindi yun eh. Did I make you angry again, Love?” tanong nito. “It’s Leo, right? I’m sorry if I talked all about him. I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“Its not that, Mika.” Galit na ang boses ni Carl, and Mikaela got ready to listen to his scolding. “You keep on doing these things that I don’t like. Why do you keep on disappointing me, Mikaela?”

Biglang nag-flashback kay Mikaela ang sinabi sa kanya ni Leonard a long time ago.

“I’m disappointed with you, Mikaela.” He said. His voice was hoarse, and he coughed afterwards.

The memory was too strong for Mikaela that she didn’t notice what she had said. “Please, Leo… I’m sorry…”

“Leo? Leo na naman! Mikaela! Are you really my girlfriend?! Why haven’t you gotten over that stupid jerk?! It’s been two years, Mikaela! Two years! Pero ano to? Puro Leo, Leo, Leo pa rin ang nasa isip mo! Ganoon ba talaga siya kaimportante sa iyo para indyanin ako dun sa MRT? Did you even think about what I would feel about it?”

“It was a mistake, love…I didn’t mean to--”

“Mistake? Mistake! It’s two years, Mikaela. Two years! Two years committing the same friggin mistake. Masyado bang mahirap yun, Mikaela? To get Leo out of you life? Huh? Why do you still care for that jerk? Why did you choose him over me? Am I that unimportant to you?!”

“Emergency yun, Carl. Di naman kasi naoospital si Leo unless malala talaga.”

“So does that mean that you could just leave me there?”

Nagsisimula nang mairita si Mikaela. “Tinext naman kita, di ba? Tinawagan din kita. I told you where I was going and why. Ano pa bang problema?”

“The problem is us, Mikaela.” Carl paused. “I saw everything, Mikaela. Every single thing.”

Nagtaka si Mikaela. Hindi ba dumating lang si Carl noong hapon na para sunduin siya? “Anong sinasabi mo—“

“If you don’t care for him, bakit ganun pa rin ang trato mo sa kanya, ha? Mikaela? Nakita ko yun, Mikaela. Nakita ko kayong dalawa habang sinusubuan mo sya ng pagkain. Di mo yun sinabi sa akin.”

Ito na nga ba ang iniiwasan ko eh! Mikaela sighed. “Carl… the guy is blind! Hindi sya makakakain kung hindi ko sya susubuan ng pagkain. And I know that you would react like this, so why bother?”

“Because I have to know. Baka kung ano na naman ang gawin niya sa iyo! Why do you care for him so much, Mikaela? Di ko talaga maintindihan bakit balik ka ng balik sa lalaking yun!”

“Because he is my friend, Carl. That’s why! He’s my friend!”

Carl chuckled sarcastically. “Oh really, Mikaela? Or is he more than that?”

Hindi kaagad nakasagot si Mikaela, because deep inside she was trying to answer the same question herself.

“Carl… Leo’s just my friend, okay? Wala akong nararamdaman sa kanya. And if I ever had to make a choice, I’d still choose you.”

“Yeah right…”

“Bakit ba hindi ka naniniwala sa akin?”

“Kasi kitang-kita naman ang totoo eh! Mahal na mahal mo si Leo, Mikaela. You love him more than me!”

Hearing this from Carl hurt Mikaela a lot and the tears threatened to fall down her eyes. But she fought them all back. “No I don’t! Carl! When are you going to believe and trust what I say to you? Lagi na lang ba natin pag-aawayan ang mga bagay na ito? Sawang-sawa na ako, Carl. Sawang-sawa na.”

Saglit na natahimik ang linya. “A-are you… are you breaking up with me, Mikaela?”

“No Carl. What I’m saying is—“

“It’s Leo, isn’t it? That’s why you are breaking up with me. It’s all his fault.”

“Carl! Stop! Listen to me! I don’t love Leo, okay? But I love you very much, Carl. I really do. And I will never leave you, understand?” Even as she said these words, she began to doubt her own feelings. Nagsasawa na sya sa pagiging seloso ni Carl. Sa mga away nilang dalawa. Minsan naiisip din niya ang mga sinasabi ng mga kaibigan niya. That Carl has been controlling her life ever since he became her boyfriend. At first she thought that they were just jealous because she wasn’t giving them enough time that she used to give. Pero ngayon, napapagisip-isip niya na malamang tama nga sila. She did achieve a lot of her dreams. But still she isn’t happy. She always wanted to go further. To achieve more. And its partly because it would make her at par with Carl’s expectations of her as his future wife.

Maraming beses na rin niyang inisip kung ano ang mangyari if Leonard confessed to her first. Would she have given in? Would she have told him just how much she loves him back? Would she have chosen Leonard over Carl?

Biglang nagsalita si Carl on the other line, disrupting her thoughts about Leonard. “If that’s what you say, love. Okay. I’m sorry if I doubted you.” Carl said, his voice much calmer now. “I love you too, Mikaela. Kaya sana intindihin mo naman ang pagiging protective ko sa iyo. I don’t want you getting hurt by him again.”

“I know, love. But you have to trust me. Kahit anong mangyari, di kita iiwanan.” Mikaela replied.

“Okay, love. I trust you.” sagot nito. “You should go to sleep. You still have work tomorrow.”

“You too. Goodnight love. Sweet dreams. I love you.”

“Goodnight princess. I love you too.”

After giving Carl a kiss through the phone, she hang up.

But still, she remains confused. Mahal ba talaga niya si Carl? O mahal pa rin niya si Leo?

To be continued...

Diary Entry # 7: Aksidente

telepono — Sat, 23 May 2009 09:01:00 +0000

*Mikaela's Point-of-View*

Sobrang kinabahan ako nung malaman ko na na-ospital si Leo. Kahit kailan ay di pa tumatapak sa hospital yun. Di naman kasi siya nagkakasakit ng malala. Isang beses pa lang siya na bed-ridden, at yun ay nung nagka-trankaso sya. Swerte lang niya at naagapan, kaya di na kinailangan pa na dalhin sya sa hospital.

Kaya nga ba masama na ang pakiramdam ko nung malaman ko na nasa hospital si Leo. Hindi lang basta aksidente yun para kailanganin pa siyang dalhin sa hospital.

Agad kong tinakbo ang Information booth at tinanong ang kwarto ni Leonard Arrevallo. Mabait naman yung nurse at mabilis kong nahanap ang kwarto niya. Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ay napansin ko agad ang lalaking may benda ang mukha. Nakaupo siya sa gitnang kama (tatlo ang kama sa kwarto na yon at yung kama sa tabi ng bintana ay nakatakip ng kurtina) at napalingon sa direksyon ko nung binuksan ko ang pintuan.

“Leo?” Tanong ko. Tumango naman ang lalaki habang nilalapitan ko. “Leo… Anong nangyari sa iyo? Bakit ka may benda sa mukha?”

Kahit na mata lang niya ang nakikita ko, pakiramdam ko naiinis na sya sa akin. Magkasalubong na ang kilay niya at umuungol ng galit. Di ba niya ako nakikilala?

“Leo… Anong nangyari sa iyo? Di mo na ba ako kilala?”

“Mika?” Familiar ang boses na iyon. Galing yon dun sa katabing kama na naka-kurtina. “Mika? Is that you?”

Nagulat ako. “L-Leo?”

Sumilip ako sa likod ng kurtina at nakita ko si Leo na nakaupo sa kama niya. May benda ang mga mata niya at di niya ako makita. Pero sigurado ako na eto na nga si Leonardo Arrevallo.

“Mika? Where are you?” tanong niya.

Teka… Kung ito si Leo… Sino itong isang Leo?!

Dahan-dahan kong binalikan ng tingin yung isang pasyente at binasa ang pangalan sa kanyang hospital bracelet. Leonidas Mendoza? Sh*t. Nakakahiya! Napagkamalan ko na siya si Leo, eh iba naman palang Leo yun. Syempre agad naman akong nag-apologize sa kanya. Aksidente lang naman ang lahat eh.

A nurse came in and fetched the other Leo, leaving me with the blind one.

“Mika?” tanong ni Leo habang pilit na kinakapa ang hangin.

“I’m here.” Sabi ko, sabay kuha sa mga kamay niya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. At that point, I felt him starting to calm down. “Leo, what happened?”

“It was my fault. I made a miscalculation with the Exupery*. I thought I had fixed the engine but as I was doing a test drive, there was this loud pop and this… bright spark from the navigation panel that blinded me. I couldn’t see anything when they brought me here. It was a good thing that Kevin was there. He was the one who brought me here—“

Hay naku! Pinairal na naman pala ang kayabangan! Mabatukan nga!

“Ow!”

“Akala ko pa naman kung ano na ang nangyari sa iyo! Akala ko nag-crash ang airplane na sinasakyan mo tapos… tapos… Paano na kung namatay ka ha? Di mo naman inisip kung anong mararamdaman ng ibang tao! Wag ka kasing masyadong mayabang, Leo! Dapat kasi pinagagawa mo yang mga ganyan sa mga team mates mo. Eh nagmamayabang ka na naman eh. Kita mo na ang nangyari pag sinosolo mo ang trabaho mo! Kahit kailan talaga di ka marunong humingi ng tulong! No wonder why your friends keep leaving you.”

I quickly stopped. Sh*t. I shouldn’t have said that. Kung kaya ko lang ibalik lahat ng sinabi ko, ginawa ko na. But he already heard what I said. Leo gave me a sad smile. “You’re right… as always, Mikaela…”

I was thankful he couldn’t see me right now, because I was sure that a tear had trickled down my cheek. I didn’t shut up again, and opened the old wound between the two of us. Stupid stupid little me. Never knowing when to shut her big mouth.

Di ko alam kung paano niya nalaman, pero parang naramdaman din niya na tumulo ang luha ko. Dahan-dahan niyang kinapa ang mukha ko at pinunasan ang luha. For a moment, I stared at him, feeling awkward with the situation.

I quickly pulled back and tried to change the subject. “Hay si Charlene talaga! Akala ko tuloy kung ano na ang nangyari sa iyo. Dumating na ba sila dito?”

“As far as I know, you’re the first one to arrive here.” He replied.

Leo looked at me, waiting for an explanation as to why I arrived so fast. Di ko naman pwedeng sabihin na halos madapa na ako sa pag-takbo papunta dito. That I was worried he was badly wounded. Or worst… that he had died. Kaya ito na lang ang sinabi ko, “I was… in the area.”

“So much for a reunion. I’m sorry, Mikaela. I guess I ruined it.”

“Wag ka nga mag-drama dyan, Leo. Di bagay sa iyo.” Sagot ko.

“Are we… Did you come here by yourself, Mikaela?” tanong niya.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone mula sa bag ko at nagsimulang magtext sa kanila about Leo. Binasa ko ang text ni Carl. On the way na daw siya dito sa hospital. “Yup.” I replied.

“Where’s Carl?”

“He’s on his way here as well.” I said. Carl and Leo haven’t met each other before this, and I was getting pretty nervous as how things would turn out. May pagka-seloso kasi si Carl. Kung makikita niya kami ni Leo na nag-uusap, he might think that something is going on between us. Agad ako tumayo from his bed and walked over to the windows para mag-text. At habang hinihintay na mag-send, tinitigan ko si Leo. For the first time, I saw how much he has changed since I last saw him, and that was 4 years ago at our high school graduation.

Tumangkad na sya, at mas payat kaysa dati. Umitim na rin sya. Lagi sigurong nagbibilad sa araw pag nasa field sila. Naka-military cut rin ang buhok niya. From this angle, he looked a lot like a fallen soldier.

A fallen soldier who had lost in a battle.

“Mika? Mika? Asan ka? Mika?” hanap agad ni Leo.

Grabe naman ito. Panic agad? “Andito lang ako, Leo. Wag kang mag-alala. Di naman ako nawawala eh.”

“Bakit ka umalis sa tabi ko?”

Bakit iba yata ang impact ng tanong niyang iyon? Bigla akong kinabahan, kaya kaagad ko siya sinagot. “Ah… nagloloko kasi yung signal ng cellphone ko. Dito muna ako sa may bintana.” Pero ang totoo niyan, worried lang talaga ako. Anytime kasi pwedeng dumating si Carl. Hay Mikaela… Ang galing mo talagang magdahilan.

“Don’t leave me alone, Mikaela.” He mumbled. “It’s hard… being all alone…”

Di ko alam kung bakit parang iba ang dating ng pagsabi niya sa akin nun. Dahil ba sa… nagawa ko na nga siyang iwan mag-isa?

“Di kita iiwanan. Promise.” Sabi ko. Sana naman wag niyang isipin na may ibig sabihin ang sinabi kong yun.

“Thank you, Mikaela.” He said softly.

“For what?”

“For everything. You were always there for me. When I needed you the most, I could just call you up. Even when I pushed you away, you kept coming back. It was… my biggest mistake, you know… that I had taken all your efforts for granted.”

Tinitigan ko syang mabuti. Di ako makapagsalita. Si Leo ba talaga itong nagsasalita? Bakit ganun? Every word he said… tumatagos… At bawat salita… masakit…

Just like the last phonecall two years ago.

Sasagutin ko pa lang siya ng biglang may kumatok at pumasok na babaeng nurse. “Leonard Arrevallo?”

I sighed in relief. Kung anu-ano ang naiisip mo, Mikaela. You’re jumping into conclusions again. Reading between the lines when there is nothing. “Dito po.” Sagot ko sa nurse.

“Mika? Ano yan?”

“Lunch mo.” Sabi ko kay Leo. Kinuha ko yung tray ng pagkain at nilapag sa maliit na desk sa tabi ni Leo. Nagpasalamat ako sa nurse at pagkatapos ay iniwan na niya kaming dalawa.

“What’s for lunch?” he asked.

“Beef with Brocolli… rice… and a banana…”

“Brocolli… Ewww. I hate broccoli! Didn’t mother tell them that?”

Hay ang arte! Kala mo babae eh. “This is a hospital, Leo. Hindi karinderya. Pare-pareho lang ng ulam ang lahat ng pasyente. That is, unless you are allergic to it. Wag ka nga mag-inarte. Kumain ka na!”

“You’ll have to feed me.”

WTF! “EH? Ano ka sinuswerte?!”

“How do you expect me to eat when I can’t see my food?” he grumbled. “And don’t put the brocolli. You know how much I hate brocolli.”

“Aba! Ano ako? Katulong mo? Hintayin mo na lang si Tita Sharon!”

“But I’m hungry.” Asus! Nagmamakaawa kuno oh.

“Arte mo.” Bulong ko habang naglalagay ng kanin at ulam sa kutsara. “Oh! Nganga!”

Binuksan naman ni loko ang bunganga nya at sinubo ko ang mainit pang kanin. Hayun, napaso tuloy! Nakakatawa ang hitsura niya habang pinipigilan niyang maibuga ang kanin.

“Stop laughing, Mika! It’s not funny!”

Hahahaha! Asar-talo! “You should have seen your face!” Tawa pa rin ako ng tawa. Hindi ko tuloy napansin na pumasok na pala ang Mommy niya sa ward.

“Oh, dumating na pala ang pagkain mo, Len.” She then turned to me and smiled “Antagal na nating di nagkita, Mikaela! Dalagang dalaga ka na ha! Graduate ka na?”

“Opo tita.” I then told her about the magazine I am currently working for and she congratulated me about it.

“Naku itong si Leo, ewan ko ba kung ano balak nito sa buhay.” Tita Sharon laughed.

“Mother, stop laughing! This girl tried to kill me!” reklamo ni Leo.

Tumawa lang lalo si Tita Sharon. “Andyan na yata yung mga kaibigan niyo sa labas, Mikaela. Papasukin mo na nga sila dito. Ako na bahala sa batang ito.”

“Mother! Stop treating me like a child! Especially in front of them!”

“Tumigil ka nga, Len. Oh siya. Kain na!”

Paglabas ko ng kwarto may na receive akong text galing kay Carl. May emergency daw sa bahay nila kaya umuwi din sya agad. Tawagan ko na lang daw sya kung pauwi na ako. Saktong pagkatapos kong mag-reply ay nakita ko na ang mga classmates ko sa hallway.

“Oy, Mikaela!”

“Charlene!”

“Kamusta na si Leonard?” tanong ni Timothy.

I gave them a mischievous grin and motioned them to take a peek inside by the glass window on the door.

Ang lakas ng tawanan namin lahat nang makita nilang sinusubuan ni Tita Sharon si Leo ng pagkain na parang baby. Hayun, nagalit tuloy sa amin yung dumaan na nurse at pinagsabihan kami.

Tumatawa pa rin kami nung pumasok na kaming lahat sa kwarto ni Leo. Syempre nagalit na naman ito dahil ang kukulit naming lahat.

Nakakatuwa kaming pag-masdan sa malayo. Parang walang nangyaring tension sa aming dalawa ni Leo. Parang yung dati lang, before Carl came along and I broke Leo’s heart. But whenever I see his bandaged eyes looking at my direction, I could still feel the sadness in the eyes behind them…

And the pieces of the heart that I broke.

“Oh, Mikaela! Natahimik ka yata?” asar na sabi ni Gerald sabay hila sa buhok ko.

“Aray! Bruha ka! Ba’t mo ako sinabunutan?” reklamo ko.

Nagulat kami ng biglang tumawa si Leo. “Mika, you haven’t changed. You’re still the silly little girl that I…”

“Tigilan niyo nga ako!” sigaw ko bago pa matapos ni Leo ang sasabihin niya. “Loko loko ka talaga Din-din**!

Tumawa sila ng malakas, except Leo and me. Leo turned to my direction again, as if asking me why I abruptly stopped him in mid-sentence, and I felt guilty. I quickly looked away before anyone could notice.

“Dito muna kayo, guys. Tawagan ko lang si Carl.” I said, leaving the room. As soon as I closed the door, I ran towards the Ladies Room and stared at myself in the mirror.

I could barely recognize myself.

Mabilis akong nag-hilamos at lumabas ng Ladies Room para tawagan si Carl at sunduin na ako.

Kinuwento ko ang lahat ng ito kay Carl nung dumating sya nung hapon para sunduin ako. Syempre, di ko na sinabi na sinubuan ko ng pagkain si Leo. Siguradong magseselos kasi sya. Tahimik lang syang nakikinig hanggang sa ihatid niya ako sa gate ng bahay namin.

“Love? Are you alright?” I asked him. Nag-aalala na talaga ako. Ang sungit kasi ng mukha niya.

“I’m alright, love.”

“Lika na.” sabi ko sabay yaya sa kanya na pumasok ng bahay.

“Wag na. Kailangan ko na din umuwi agad.” Sagot niya.

“Okay. Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

He nodded, kissed my lips and quietly left.

I touched my lips as I watched him walk away.

His kiss was cold.

I knew something was wrong. I reminded myself to call him tonight and talk it out.

As I punched the numbers and waited for Carl to pick up the phone, bigla kong naalala yung sinasabi ni Leo bago ko barahin.

“Mika, you haven’t changed. You’re still the silly little girl that I…”

Kung anu-ano na ang pumapasok sa isip ko na possible answers. Dalawa dun ang tumatak sa utak ko…

“You’re still the silly little girl that I love.”

Or

“You’re still the silly little girl that I used to love.”

To be continued...

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

Footnote:
*Exupery – eto ang name na binigay ni Leo sa concept airplane na ginawa niya noong highschool at binubuo ngayon. Galing ito sa name ng famous pilot and philosopher na si Antoine de Saint-Exupery, ang author ng “The Little Prince”.
**Din-din ang nickname ni Gerald. Gusto kasi niyang name ay Geraldine.

Ikapitong tawag

telepono — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:51:00 +0000

Ikapitong tawag

9:26 a.m.

December 13, 2002

Inside the MRT (thru Mikaela’s Cellphone)

Tahimik na nakatayo si Mikaela sa loob ng MRT habang iniisip ang Christmas reunion na pupuntahan niya. Ilang taon na nga ba simula ng huli niyang nakita ang mga Highschool friends niya? Mga halos limang taon na rin yun.

Matagal na rin silang di nagkikita-kita. Ano na kaya ang hitsura nila? Sila Timothy at Samantha pa rin kaya? Eh si Gerald? Talaga kayang may boyfriend na ang bading nay un? Natawa si Mikaela sa sarili niya. Hay… Excited na talaga siya.

Nang bigla niyang maalala ang isang tao.

Si Leo kaya? Pupunta kaya siya sa reunion? Malamang sinabihan na siya ni Timothy about it. Mikaela sighed. Hanggang ngayon, di pa rin sya sigurado kung kaya ba niyang harapin si Leonard.

Two years na silang hindi nag-uusap ng binata. Wala rin syang balita mula sa mga common friends nila about him. Laging tinatanong ni Mikaela ang mga kasama niya sa bahay kung tumawag ba si Leonard. Pero napagod din sa pagtanong si Mikaela. Hanggang sa sumuko na lang siya.

And just like that, Leonard disappeared from her world.

Kamusta na kaya siya? Siguro naman tinupad na niya ang pangarap niyang magpalipad ng mga eroplano. Muling napangiti si Mikaela. It would be pretty ironic if the pilot of the plane that would take Carl and me to Japan would be him. Naisip niya bigla ang boyfriend na i-mimeet nya ngayon bago dumiretso sa school nila. Nandoon na ito two stations from where her train was about to stop. They would really love Carl.

Biglang nag-ring ang cellphone ni Mikaela. It was Charlene, one of her highschool friends, on the other line.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Mikaela?”

“Charlene? Andyan ka na ba sa school? On the way na ako. Nakasakay na ako sa MRT.”

“Mikaela! Pumunta ka dito sa hospital. May masamang nangyari.”

“Ha! Hospital?” Nagsimulang mag-panic si Mikaela. Anong ginagawa nila sa hospital? “Bakit?! Ano nangyari?!”

“I just heard this from Jerome. Leonard and his classmate were doing a flight exam today and there was an accident. Di ko alam ang details. On the way na kami ngayon sa hospital, pero medyo malayo pa kami. Nasaan ka ba ngayon?”

Sinabi ko kung aling MRT station na ako. “Great. Mas malapit ka pala dun. Mauna ka na pumunta doon. We’ll just meet you there, okay?”

“Okay. Sige.”

Charlene hung up after giving Mikaela the full details about the hospital and how to get there. Paghinto na paghinto ng MRT ay agad na lumabas si Mikaela at tumakbo papunta sa sakayan ng dyip. In her head, she was praying that Leonard would be okay.

Please Lord, let him be okay. Don’t let Leo die.

Diary Entry # 6: Disappointments

telepono — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:50:00 +0000

I called Carl as promised. He wasn’t exactly that happy to hear that I had talked to Leo and he thought that I would leave him now that Leo has confessed his feelings for me. It made me feel awful. Very awful. Akala ba niya ginamit ko lang siya bilang panakip butas? Hindi. Hindi yun ganun.

I love Carl. With all the love I could have given Leo if he wasn’t too late. If he took time to notice me. To put his stupid pride aside. To admit that he was feeling the emotions he never thought was possible.

But he was too late. Someone had already caught me while he was busy looking somewhere else.

And so I told Carl that I am not going to betray him. That he would have to trust me. Na kaya ko lang naman sinabi sa kanya ay dahil gusto kong maging honest sa kanya, hindi dahil gusto kong pagselosin sya o kung ano man.

To my relief, he understood. Carl gave me permission to go to the awarding ceremony basta kasama siya. Sinabi ko ito agad kay Leo, pero sabi niya dalawa lang ang tickets niya. Isa para sa Mommy niya at isa para sa akin. Naisip na lang namin na baka pwedeng makipagkita na lang kami sa kanya outside the auditorium. But after considering the time and the schedule, it seems that it would be impossible for all of us to meet that day. I just told him that we would try to make it.

“Let go, Mikaela. You don’t really have to force yourself to come. Let it go. I would… I would understand.” He said. “Thank you… for everything, Mikaela. Goodbye.”

I whispered my goodbye at the handset, even if I knew that he was already gone.

And with that, it was all over.

Pinalaya na ako ni Leo. It was as if he didn’t want me to think about him anymore and that he understands that I am already committed and that I shouldn’t be talking to him again.

It’s hard. Really hard.

I know I do not feel that love that I felt for him a long time ago. That I am totally over him and is now moving on with my life. But I also know that I had hurt him, and it hurts to admit that I was the one who was the source of his pain.

And that there is nothing that I could do about it…

But move on…

Ikaanim na tawag

telepono — Thu, 21 May 2009 09:22:00 +0000

Ikaanim na tawag
8:26 p.m.
November 5, 2000
Rodriguez Residence

“Hello?”

“Hello? Mika? Mika! Oh I’m so glad to finally hear your voice!”

Nagtataka si Mikaela. Is this true? “L-Leo?”

“Mikaela! You don’t know just how much I had to go through. I tried to contact you a lot of times! Did you read my email?”

Email? May email pala sya na sinend?! “Umm… No… Hang on. I would have to hang up if I would read the email you sent me.*”

“No need, Mika. I’ll just tell you what I wrote there.” Leonard sighed before he continued, the excitement in his voice was obvious. “Mikaela! Remember the concept airplane I told you before back in highschool? Well, we entered it in a contest and we won! I want you to come to the awarding ceremony, and I’ll drop by tomorrow with your ticket, okay?”

“I-I don’t know, Leo. When will this be?”

“It’s this coming Sunday. Wala ka naman sigurong pupuntahan sa Sunday, right?”

“Well… I really don’t know, Leo. I… I have to ask Carl…”

“Carl? Who’s Carl? Ah! The assistant secretary for Literati, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Do you hold meetings even on Sundays?” he asked jokingly.

“It’s not that, Leo… It’s just—“ Carl would be angry if he learns that I’m with you and not with him.

“Oh. Umm… Nagtatampo ka pa rin ba?”

“Huh?”

“I was stupid, Mikaela. I shouldn’t have told you all those awful things last time. I wasn’t feeling well. And… Everything I did the week went wrong. I guess, when you failed me, it was too much. At ikaw ang napag-buntunan ko ng galit. I’m really sorry for that, Mika. And I’ve waited so long to try to make it up to you.”

“Leo… You don’t understand… I—“ already have a boyfriend to think about.

“You have the right to be angry at me. But please… please attend my awarding ceremony. You… You’re the only person I want to see there besides my Mother. Because you mean so much more to me, you know?”

Natigilan si Mikaela. “I-I… is that true, Leo?”

“Yes, Mika. You mean so much that I tried to call you afterwards. But your phone line was busy all night, and I thought that maybe your brother was using it.”

That was when Carl called. I told him how you shattered my heart, and he helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart that night, Leo.

“So I tried calling the next day.” Leo continued. “I thought you were just ignoring me when you didn’t pick up, and I remembered saying that you shouldn’t call me because it was exam week. Then I got busy with the exams and projects that I forgot to call you that week.”

I had been calling you, Leo.Didn’t you know that? Or were you too busy to hear the ringing of your phone? Bakit di mo sinasagot ang mga tawag ko? Why did you keep ignoring my calls?

“And when I did call you, I find out that our landline has been busted. Mother tried to call home and all she could hear was the ringing from our line, when I don’t hear anything at all. It took them a week later to replace the landline. But since it was your birthday last October 10, I borrowed Mother’s cellphone to call you up, but before I could talk to you, the battery went dead and I couldn’t call you anymore.”

Biglang naalala ni Mikaela ang sinabing tawag ng kuya niya almost a month ago. So Leo did call! He called! And I missed it!

“Since calling you was futile, I tried reaching you via email. But with all this sh*t going on, I forgot my password on that email. I created a new email account, but I don’t remember your email address. I’ve been telling my buddies at the Aeronautics team about you and they were able to find your email address for me. I sent our new landline number at your email. But you never called, so I decided to call you up now that our phone is back.”

He was the anonymous email sender! The email which I deleted because I thought it was some sort of spam**. Well, mukha naman talagang spam kasi ang nakasulat lang dun ay “This is my new number. Call me. ###-##-## ***~ Leo.”

“But when I try to call you, it was you who wouldn’t answer. I thought you got really mad that you won’t pick up the phone. Then, Timothy called, and informed me about your new landline number. So I got your new number and finally called you up.”

Mikaela didn’t notice the tears fall as she stared at the phone. All this time... All this time that I thought that you hated me… that you had forsaken me… that you had left me all alone… All this time… you… you were trying to reach out to me… But you are too late, Leo… Too late…

“Mika? Are you crying?” Leo asked, his voice worried. “Mika… I’m really really sorry… I-I… I know… I had been stupid. Really stupid. I want to make it up to you. Because… Mika… You had always been more than just my Girl Bestfriend. I had been keeping these feelings I have for you since Highschool, and I realized just how much you meant to me when we stopped talking to each other for a long time. I knew that if I don’t hear your voice soon enough, I’d go mad. Because Mika… I have… I have always wanted… you… for my girlfriend…”

Tuloy-tuloy ang pagtulo ng luha ni Mikaela. Di nya alam kung magagawa pa niyang tumigil sa pag-iyak. “L-Leo… I’m sorry…”

“No, Mika. I’m sorry. I know… I shouldn’t be telling you this… because I promised… we promised… But… this promise… it is really hard to keep, you know? I was just afraid that if I told you soon, you would… you would go away. Heck, the two years after graduation had been hell. And as for Kristine, you shouldn’t be worried about her… Kasi that first night that I called you up… Kristine and I just broke up. I was looking for someone to talk to… and I remembered you… I knew… I knew I could count on you, and that you would be willing to listen… because… you are my Girl Best Friend. If your Kuya had answered my first phone call instead of you, I would have easily pretended to be an anonymous caller. But… when I heard your voice… I couldn’t stop myself. I… just wanted to keep you talking to me…”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” she sobbed.

“I wanted to see you. Because I wanted to tell you that day how much I love you. So I used Kristine as an excuse. Coz I knew you wouldn’t let me down and help me when I need it. I wanted to surprise you with that school play… That’s why I didn’t tell you… And… Well… I should have considered your feelings before I lost my temper and told you all that sh*t.”

“I’m so sorry… Leo… I’m really, really sorry…”

“Don’t cry, Mika… Please…” he pleaded. “And stop apologizing to me… It was my fault… all my fault… please, Mika… stop… You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Too late, Leo…” Lalong naiyak si Mikaela as she realized the words that are coming out of her mouth. “Too late…”

At this point, gusto nang ibaba ni Mikaela ang telepono. She can’t take it anymore… She doesn’t want to break his heart… especially now that she realized he never broke hers in the first place. Pero… di naman din niya kayang paasahin pa si Leonard. It was the least that she could do… tell him the truth.

“What do you mean, Mika?”

“You’re too late, Leo…” she sobbed again. And in a very low voice, she replied. “I… I already have a boyfriend…”

Parang sinampal si Leonard ng mga salitang iyon ni Mikaela. Paulit ulit niya itong narinig sa kanyang utak. Mikaela Rodriguez already has a boyfriend. You lose, Leo. You lose. Matagal bago sya nakapagsalita ulit.

“You… You have a boyfriend?”

“Yes, Leo.”Mikaela said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“It’s Carl, isn’t it?”

Ayaw na sanang sumagot ni Mikaela, knowing just how this was hurting him. “Yes.”

There was another momentary pause before Leonard spoke again.

“C-congratulations…” he said, his voice trembling and almost a whisper.

“Please do not say ‘Congratulations’ when you don’t mean it.”

There was a long pause before Leonard continued. Mikaela could hear him starting to cry on the other line.

“I guess… I really am… too late…” he said sadly. Mikaela could hear his sorrow from the sound of his voice. “You were right, Mika. Pride is a lonely friend… I lost it all, Mika. All of it. My studies, my friends, my family, my computer… and you… All because of my stupid, stupid, stupid Pride… But… you were right when you said… that God… He brings it all back… and even more… And He brought it all back… I won the competition… my family is proud of me… my friends... they want to meet you so much, Mika… and my computer just got fixed… But I guess… I guess… I guess not everything… I… I lost you… and now I can’t have you back…”

“I’m so sorry… Leo… I’m really, really sorry…” Mikaela apologized. But she knew that it’s all over. Things will never be the same between them again.

“No, Mikaela. It’s… all my fault… every single second of it… because I was too late… and I was a coward… and… and…”

Mikaela wanted to console him, but right now, wala siyang maisip na pwede niyang sabihin kay Leonard. At this point, both of them are crying, though Mikaela tried her best to fight her tears back to listen. So she just held on the phone and listened to him cry his heart out and tell her how much he had regretted for letting her walk away.

When both of them had calmed down, she asked. “Umm… Leo… Are you… Are you alright now?”

“Yes.” Even if Leonard had said that, Mikaela knew that he was lying. “Mikaela…”

“Yes?”

“Promise me you’ll bring him.”

“Hmm… I’ll… I have to ask him first, alright?”

“Okay.” He said flatly.

“Akin na yung number mo. Tawagan kita mamaya.”

Leonard gave Mikaela his number, and then hangs up.

And that was the end for the two of them.