Diary Entry # 8: The Girl Who Was Always There

*Mikaela’s Point-of-View*

I’m currently uploading sa Facebook account ko ng pictures namin ni Carl nung simbang gabi. I looked at our pictures and thought about how happy I was during those times that the pictures were taken. Ang kulit naming dalawa. Tinawagan niya ako ng maagang maaga. Tapos pinuntahan niya ako sa bahay. Eh hindi pa rin ako bumabangon, kaya ayon, kiniliti niya ako ng kiniliti hanggang sa magising ako. Aksidente ko pa nga siyang nasapak kasi akala ko kung sino yung kumikiliti sa akin eh.

Ang lamig talaga pag madaling araw. Giniginaw pa rin ako kahit na may suot na akong jacket habang naglalakad kami papunta sa church. Kaya hinubad ni Carl yung jacket niya at binigay sa akin. Ayoko nga tanggapin eh! Ang ginaw kaya! Paano na siya?

“Basta andito ka lang sa tabi ko, kahit sa North Pole, di ako giginawin.” He said, taking my hand into his.

“Hmph. Bola.” Sabi ko sa kanya. But inside, I was smiling.

Ah, yes. The little things that Carl does for me. Its just one of the many things I really love about him. He notices everything about me, and takes good care of me. And I know, that in the future, he will still be the same, even if he is already my husband.

*blush*

Yes. That early morning was perfect. Until we saw him, of course.

Nakaupo ako sa isang food stand habang hinihintay ang lugaw na inorder ni Carl para sa akin. Si Carl naman, pumunta sa kabilang food stand para bumili ng drinks namin. Maya maya lang ay inabot na ni Ate yung isang bowl ng lugaw na pagsasaluhan naming dalawa. Hinahalo ko ito para lumamig ng konti ng biglang may lalaki sa likod ko na nagsalita.

“Ate, magkano po dun sa lugaw?”

I turned, and came face to face with him.

“L-Leo?”

“M-Mika?”

For a moment nagkatitigan lang muna kami. I was shocked to see him there. Standing before me. He looks better now that the bandages have been removed from his eyes and he is wearing casual clothes again. Temporary blindness lang naman ang naranasan niya, and right now, okay na ulit ang vision niya. I wanted to talk to him. To ask him a lot of things. And then I realized… Oh sh*t! Carl!

“Anong ginagawa mo dito, Leo?” I asked angrily. “Umalis ka nga dito.”

Leo gave me a confused look. “I can’t. Mother’s still inside the church. Dito kami magkikita pagkatapos niyang magdasal.”

“Anak ng—Ano ba Leo! Alis na! Bilis!”

“Bakit? Ano bang meron, Mika? Di kita ma—“

“Love, eto na yung pineapple juice mo oh.” Carl greeted as he appeared out of nowhere, hawak ang dalawang baso ng juice. Tapos nakita niya si Leo nakatayo sa tabi ko. Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha nito habang nilalapag ang juice sa table. “May kausap ka pala, Mikaela. Ipakilala mo naman ako dyan sa friend mo.”

I gulped. I knew that Carl was already angry. And Leo. Oh dear. Leo… bakit kasi ngayon ka pa nagpakita! Napaka wrong timing mo talaga kahit kailan!

“Umm… Carl… this is Leo…” I gulped again. “Leo… this is Carl. My boyfriend.”

I could read the disappointment in Carl’s face after I said that as he reached his hand out to shake hands with Leo. Si Leo naman, parang di apektado sa reaction niyang yun at kinuha ang kamay ni Carl. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Carl.”

“Same here, Leo. Lagi ka nga kinukwento sa akin ni Mikaela eh.” Carl said with a sarcastic tone in his voice. Wala na akong nagawa kundi tumahimik. Alam ko naman kasi na ako ang pinariringgan niya eh.

Matagal akong tinitigan ni Leo habang nagsasalita sya. “Sana maganda ang mga nasabi sa iyo ni Mika about me. Please take good care of her for me.”

Totoo ba yung narinig kong yun? Leo’s really handing me over to Carl? Di ako makapaniwala! Bakit naman niya nagawa yun? Talaga yatang ako na lang ang di pa nakakapag move on sa aming dalawa.

Akala ko sasapakin na ni Carl si Leo nung nilapitan niya ito. Pero umupo lang siya sa gitna naming dalawa. “Of course I will, Leo. Lika, sumabay ka na sa amin dito kumain.”

Leo shook his head. “Hindi na. Kakatapos ko lang kumain. Sige. I have to go fetch Mother now. Bye Carl. Bye Mika.” He said, waving to me before walking away.

Sa wakas, nakahinga ako ng maluwag, kahit konti. Walang gulong nangyari sa kanilang dalawa. Akala ko talaga magkakaroon ng rambol eh.

“So… I’m just your boyfriend huh?” Carl mumbled.

“Huh?”

“I thought I was your future husband.”

“Love naman. Di ko pwedeng sabihin yun ano.”

“Dahil ba kinakahiya mo ako?”

“No!” Eto na naman po kami. “Baka kasi isipin niya mag-papakasal na ako soon kung sinabi ko yun.” Which is true. Leo is as prone to jumping into conclusions as Carl is. Though, syempre, iba pa rin itong si Carl. Mas paranoid kasi ito eh.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He grumbled. “You could have made it clear to him na ako ang gusto mo at hindi sya.”

I sighed in resignation. Ayokong makipag-away sa kanya. Lalo na at malapit na rin ang Pasko. “Ok. Next time.”

“And when will that be?”

Naiinis na ako. “Anong gusto mong gawin ko ngayon? Hanapin sya at puntahan para sabihin lang yun?”

“Ewan ko sa iyo.”

I sighed again at tahimik na lang kumain ng lugaw. Napansin ata ni Carl na nagtatampo na ako kaya agad siyang kumuha ng tissue at pinunasan ang lugaw na na-stuck sa cheek ko. “Akina nga yan. Ako ang magsusubo sa iyo.”

“Carl, wag na. Malaki na ako eh.”

He scooped a spoonful of lugaw and gently blew on it. “Sige na, oh. Aaaahhh!”

Syempre, tatanggihan ko ba naman yun? *blush*

For the rest of the day, di na namin pinag-usapan pa ang tungkol kay Leo at sa kung ano ang nangyari. Nag-enjoy na lang kaming dalawa na magkasama. Pumunta kami sa theme park at doon nagpakasaya parang dalawang bata.

Hmm… Kung hindi lang sana dumating si Leo, e di sana hindi nasira ang masayang araw na iyon.

An idea popped into my mind. Mayroon din kayang Facebook account si Leo?

Quickly, I typed in Leo’s full name sa search box at naghintay. Maraming lumabas na search result, pero I immediately found out which one was his. Halos walang laman ang Facebook account niya. Wala rin masyadong updates. I randomly clicked his tabs and saw one blog entry in his notes. Hindi ko dapat babasahin kung di ko lang nakita yung animated gif image ko dun sa post with the caption “The Girl Who Was Always There”. It was an animated .gif image of me back in highschool, slowly turning and smiling to the camera. Sa ilalim nito ay isang poem ang nakasulat.

I made this poem for the girl who was always there. That’s her in the picture. I was too busy trying to fix things about my life that I forgot about her and didn’t notice she had walked away. When I turn around to face her, she was already gone. And in my place, someone else is making her happy.

I never thought that I would be saying this because, as she said, I had too much pride in my system. But when she walked away, I realized a lot of things. When you see the heart of someone close to you falling, do not waste time to find a net that will catch it securely. Take the risk and catch that person’s heart with your hands. If it shatters into pieces or if someone caught it before you do, it doesn’t mean that your efforts were futile. It means you did your best to try to save that heart because you love it, even if it wasn’t meant to fall into your hands.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag-rereact. I never thought that Leo loved me this much. I opened his album and found our highschool pictures there. Karamihan ng mga pictures ay puro candid shots ko. Natutulog. Gising. Nag-aaral. Humihikab. Kumakain. Nag-sasayaw. Tumatakbo. Nagbabasa. Nagsusulat. Naglalaro ng jackstone. Nagtetext. Lahat na yata ng ginawa ko noong highschool may picture siya.

Does that mean he loved me even back then? And does this mean, he is still waiting for me to come back to him?

I will always be here waiting for the phonecall
From the girl who was always there.

To be continued…