Diary Entry # 10: Consuelo

June 3, 2009

*Mikaela’s Point-of-View*

Di ko namalayan na nakatulog ako kakaiyak hanggang sa bigla na lang ako magising dahil sa isang malakas na kalabog sa kwarto ko. I fell asleep facing the wall, so I didn’t know who it was that suddenly entered my room or what I am going to do about it. Naramdaman ko na biglang gumalaw ang bed ko as the stranger sat beside me. In my mind I swore. Wag nya akong hahawakan kung hindi makakatikim siya ng hampas!

“Mika?” he asked, his voice almost like a whisper in its softness.

WTF? Leo?!

For a few minutes he just sat there, brushing my hair with his fingers. Suddenly, I felt him pull the blanket from underneath him and he covered my whole body with it.

“Rest well, my love.” He whispered in my ear before standing from my bed and walking away.

“What are you doing here in my room, Leo?” I said without turning around. “Get out.”

The footsteps stopped. I strained to listen for his presence. Alam kong di pa rin siya umaalis.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Get out!” I said, louder this time. Bumangon na ako sa kama at galit syang hinanap sa dilim ng aking kwarto. Buti na lang at may poste ng ilaw malapit sa bintana ko and its dim light managed to shed a little light in my dark room. At wala na rin yung ulan kanina. It helped me find where exactly he stood.

“Is that what you really want me to do, Mikaela?” tanong niya. “Do you really want me to leave?”

I did not answer. Because truthfully, I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to stay here. To listen to me. To comfort me. Because, he is the only one that’s here for me right now.

But I also don’t want him to see me at my worst.

I expected him to walk away. But instead, he walked towards me and sat crosslegged on the floor beside my bed. “When Kristine and I broke up, I could barely think straight. I had to talk to someone, or I would go crazy thinking about what I did wrong. So I dialed the first number that came to mind. And you answered.” He looked up to me. “So please, Mikaela… Just this time around… Let me return the favor.”

And so for the rest of the night, he stayed there, sitting still by my bedside and waiting for me to talk to him. At first I thought that if I pretended to go back to sleep, he will give up and walk away. But he didn’t leave his place. He just sat there. Tahimik lang. Hanggang sa ako na ang sumuko.

“Hindi ka ba talaga aalis dyan?” I asked, turning around so I could see his back.

“Hindi.”

Umupo na ako sa kama. “Sisigaw ako.”

“Go ahead.”

“Tatawag ako ng pulis.”

“Ok lang. I can bail myself out.”

Naiirita na ako. Ang kulit mo talaga Leo! “Talaga bang kaya mong maghintay dyan?”

“Kung para sa iyo, oo.”

“Hindi ka ba nahihirapan niyan? Paano kung hindi kita kausapin?”

“I was able to wait for two years. A few hours sitting like this wouldn’t be too hard.”

Medyo matagal bago ko narealize kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin. Even after all these years that I was with Carl, that I didn’t talk to him, that I ended whatever was between us… Leo was still there, waiting and hoping that I would come back to him.

“Nakakainis ka talaga.” I managed to mumble the words before falling into another crying fit. At that moment, Leo stood up from where he sat and hugged me. For a few moments I just let it pour all out. “I feel really stupid right now.” I told him afterwards.

“Shh… Its alright, Mikaela. I don’t mind.” Leo said, kissing my forehead. “I love you just the way you are.”

“Paano… Paano mo yun nagagawa, Leo?” I sobbed. My throat still feels painful after all that crying and my voice kept breaking as I talked. “How… How can you love someone as stupid and… and insensitive… and childish… as me?”

He chuckled. “I asked the same question myself. ‘How come someone as sane as Mikaela still sticks around with an insane and prideful person like me?’”

“Kung yung sinasabi mo eh nung highschool, wala akong magagawa noon. It really was our teacher’s fault.”

Nagulat ako when I saw Leo grin. “Actually, it was my fault.”

“What?!”

“It was my revenge for getting me into the student council. I was trying to see just how much of me you can take. So I told all the teachers that I like you and that I want to always be in the same group that you do. I didn’t think they would be easy to convince.”

“What the F! So you mean all that pairing and grouping in highschool was just a freakin setup?”

He refused to answer the question and just grinned. Agad kong kinuha yung unan ko at pinaghahampas sya nito.

“Ikaw! Kasalanan mo pala yun! Alam mo ba kung gaano kalaking kahihiyan ang inabot ko noon?! Muntik na akong mabugbog ng mga fangirls mo!”

“Ow! Stop it Mika! I’m sorry, okay? I stopped doing that after that incident, okay? It’s not my fault that our teachers continued to pair us up.” He smiled. “It did prove one thing though.”

“And what is that?” I frowned.

“Na ikaw lang talaga ang nag-iisang taong nakatagal sa akin.”

Natigilan ako. “What about your girlfriend? Kristine?”

“She got tired of me when I became too focused with the Aeronautics Team. She was the one who wanted to get into the relationship in the first place anyway.” Leo sighed.

“Dapat kasi binigyan mo sya ng oras.” Tanong ko. “You did love her, right?”

“Yes, I did. But, I had too much in my hands that time. I could hardly manage everything at once.” His voice was sad. Parang naalala niya ulit yung mga memories nila ni Kristine. “Kristine… she was a great girl… but she doesn’t like it when I do the things that I like to do and then, one day, we broke up.”

“Kasalanan mo yan. Di ka kasi marunong humingi ng tulong sa ibang tao eh.” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. You’re right.” Agad na bumalik yung dating Leo. Yung mayabang na Leo na nakilala ko noong Highschool. “But hey, I can’t just leave the whole projects to people who can’t do it right!”

“Ah ewan ko sa iyo, Leo. Di ka pa rin nagbabago!” I said, rolling my eyes.

Nagulat ako nang hindi na sumagot si Leo. I caught him staring at me, smiling happily.

“What?”

“I’m just happy.”

“About what?”

“Nothing.” He grinned.

Suddenly, my stomach grumbled. And I remembered how hungry I was. “Sorry.” I apologized.

“When did you last eat anyway?” Leo frowned. He jumped off my bed and went back to the dark space near my window. May narinig akong zipper, and I assumed he was opening his bag. I wrapped myself in my blanket and walked barefoot to where he was.

“Anong ginagawa mo dyan?”

“Where can I plug this?” he asked. Thinking he was going to plug his cellphone to charge, tinuro ko yung outlet sa likod ng study table ko kung saan nakasaksak din ang table lamp ko. Napansin ko na lang na may dala siyang isang malaking parang lata na may kurdon at nilagay ito sa desk ko. Then, he switched the table lamp on to find the outlet, and I realized just what it was that he was going to plug in.

“Teka! Ano yan?”

“A portable food heater.” he said as he found the outlet and plugged the socket in.

“At anong gagawin mo dyan? Magluluto ka dito sa kwarto ko?”

“Yes.”

“Anak ng—Wag ka dyan! Baka masunog mo ang desk ko!” Ang dami pa naming mahahalagang papeles ang nakatago doon.

“Relax. I do this all the time, okay? I’m not going to burn anything.” Leo went back to the bag and emptied a pack of noodles and a bottle of mineral water into his portable food heater.* After switching the food heater on, he walked back to his bag and took out a small pack of pistachio nuts. He opened the pack and offered the nuts to me. Syempre tatanggihan ko ba yun? Favorite ko yata ang pistachio nuts! I sat crosslegged on the carpeted floor and started munching on the nuts.

“Slow down, Mika! Mabubusog ka agad niyan eh.” Sabi ni Leo habang hinahalo ang noodles sa food heater. “Sayang naman itong noodles.”

A few minutes later, naamoy ko na ang niluluto niyang instant beef noodles. The smell alone was enough to make me hungry again. He then took out a Styrofoam bowl from his bag and carefully poured the cooked noodles on it.

“Here. Eat.” He said, giving me the styro bowl and a spork.

“Paano ka?”

He took the pistachio nuts from my hands and began to eat it.

“Hoy! Wag mong ubusin yan!” reklamo ko. “Favorite ko yan eh.”

“Oo na! Basta kumain ka na dyan.” He began to shuffle through his bag and took out an old paperback copy of “The Little Prince”. Then, he adjusted the position of my table lamp so that the light was directed to me and to the noodles in front of me.

Habang hinihintay ko na lumamig ng konti yung noodles, nagtanong ako. “Bakit andami mo yatang dalang pagkain? Don’t tell me araw-araw mo dala lahat ng ito sa school?”

“Yup.” He replied with no hesitation.

“Ano?! Sira-ulo ka pala talaga eh. Di mo naman kailangan dalhin lahat ng ito eh. Kaya laging sumasakit likod mo eh.”

“I’m just thinking ahead. Paano kung mag-crash ang airplane na sinasakyan ko? At least I have supplies.”

“Eh wala ka naman pwedeng saksakan ng kuryente sa isang abandoned island ah.”

“Well, I could still use the heater as a mug. Besides, ginagamit ko talaga yan para mag-reheat ng lunch ko sa school.”

“Kung gusto mo ng mainit na pagkain, bumili ka sa karinderya or sa fastfood. Sinasayang mo ang kuryente ng school niyo eh.” I mumbled as I took my first sip at the noodles.

I watched him as he sat crosslegged across me and began to read the book that I gave him many years ago. Even back in highschool, he had been fond of airplanes. He said that one day, I would be riding the very airplane that he had designed and built. Kaya naman desidido talaga sya noon na pumasa sa Aeronautics school. I gave him that book as a birthday present and looking at it now brought a lot of old memories back. Napansin ko na madumi na ang fore-edge** at medyo madami na ang crease sa front at back cover. Halatang maraming beses na niya itong binasa before and I felt proud inside. It means he really loved the book that I gave him.

“Nasa iyo pa rin pala yan.” Sabi ko.

“Yup. It’s my favorite book.” He smiled. Nagkatinginan kami habang sabay na sinabi ang favorite quote namin from the book, him in French and me in English: “’It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.’”

“Kabisado mo pa rin pala ah.” I smiled.

“Of course.”

“Asan chapter ka na?”

“Chapter 21. The Little Prince meets the fox and tames him.”

“Ahh.” I silently continued to eat the noodles and watch him read. “My favorite chapter.”

Suddenly, he spoke. “You know what, Mikaela?”

“Hmm?”

“I did a research on the author, Exupery. And I realized just how similar the two of us are.” He looked up at me. “And you… You are like his wife, Consuelo.”

I blushed. Is he telling me that he wants me for his wife? “Seriously, Leo. You must be kidding me.”

“No. I’m serious. Like me, Antoine took Consuelo for granted. He went on a lot of air missions and had affairs with many women while Consuelo stayed at home, waiting for his return. But you know what, Mikaela?”

“What?”

“No matter how many women he has been with and no matter how many beautiful places he has been to, he still went back to their home and to Consuelo. The rose in the glass case. Because for him, Consuelo remains the most important woman in his life…’It is the time you have spent with your rose that makes your rose so important.’” He quoted.

I fell silent, not knowing what to answer to him. Alam ko kasi ang gusto niyang sabihin sa akin. Na ako ang kanyang Consuelo. Ang pinaka-importanteng babae para sa kanya.

But I can’t reciprocate his feelings to me now. No, not yet. Not when the wound that Carl gave me is still fresh. As if feeling my tension, he suddenly changed the topic. “The fox is probably the smartest character in this book.” He pointed to the picture and I nodded in agreement.

And so the night went on with me and Leo chatting about random things and eating whatever food supply his bag contains. When we had practically emptied the bag of its contents it was already 3 in the morning. I was getting sleepy now that I am not hungry anymore. We were both sitting underneath the window sill, reading the book together, and I didn’t realize that I had already fallen fast asleep. It was one of those dreamless sleeps, but it didn’t bother me.

Because it was the most restful sleep I have ever had since Carl had gone away.

To be continued…

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

Footnote:
*Para po sa mga di nakakaalam kung ano ang hitsura ng isang portable food heater, similar siya dito: http://www.birko.com.au/images/products/foodheater.gif . May nabibiling ganyan sa Quiapo at Divisoria. Mga P100 lang yung hindi branded at pwede kayong mag-init ng ulam at magpakulo ng tubig dyan.
**Fore-edge = eto yung gilid ng book na hindi naka-bind.Yung part na nabubuksan. (See picture here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book )