Diary Entry #4: Comparisons

*Mikaela’s Point of View*

It’s all over.

Leo doesn’t want to talk to me. Paranoid na kung paranoid. Pero I really think he’s just using his exams as an excuse not to talk to me.

Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?

One minute, Carl was making me happy. Then, the next day, here comes Leo, shattering my heart into pieces.

He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. Di ko na talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kay Leo. I want to apologize to him so much. But he doesn’t want to talk to me. I tried to call twice this week already. And all I heard was the ringing of their phone.

What am I going to do? Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang totoo kung ayaw naman niya makinig? And if he does listen, would he even understand?

Mabuti pa si Carl. He was always there for me.

Right after ako binabaan ni Leo ng telepono, tumawag sa bahay si Carl. I tried, but I couldn’t hide the fact that I had been crying. He heard it in my voice, and asked me what happened. So I told him the truth. I told him everything about Leonard Arrevallo. How he became part of my past. And how he kept on surprising me with his recent calls. Sinabi ko na nagalit sa akin si Leo because I failed to meet him at the Baywalk. And now, he is sick and doesn’t want to talk to me. At habang kinukwento ko ito, di ko napigilan ang muling umiyak.

“You don’t deserve a jerk like him. Blaming you and making you cry like that.” Sabi ni Carl.

Lalo akong naiyak, making Carl worry even more.

“I’m sorry.” Carl apologized. “Did I offend you?”

“No…N-no… Carl… You… I’m not offended at all…” I sniffed. Nagulat ako sa sarili ko. Usually, anyone who had said the same thing against Leo would have met with my anger. But in this situation, di ko talaga kayang magalit. Naiyak ako kasi for the first time, someone cared for me. But I can’t tell Carl that. “Kasalanan din naman niya yun eh… di kasi sya marunong makinig.”

“Sa totoo lang, humahanga ako sa determination niya na hintayin ka sa Baywalk. But he didn’t have to blame you.” Carl said. “Are you okay now?”

“Yes.” I said. Truthfully, I did feel a lot better after talking to him. Because unlike Leo, Carl listened, and understood. “Thank you for calling, Carl.”

“Anything for you, Princess.” He paused, thinking. “Umm… Mikaela?”

“Yes?”

“Would I… Umm… Pwede ba kitang ihatid sa school tomorrow? I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Okay.” I sniffed.

We talked about what time and where we would meet, then hang up afterwards. Bakit ba hindi maging ganoon pag mag-uusap kami ni Leo? Tuwing mag-uusap kami, lagi na lang ang gusto niya ang nasusunod. Di niya pinakikinggan kung ano ang gusto ko sabihin. Bakit ba lagi na lang kaming di nagkakaintindihan?

*sigh*

I guess, the best way to summarize everything would be through Sugarfree’s song, “Telepono”.*

This song was our past. And now it is happening to our present too.

Nakakalungkot isipin na wala palang future. And it was all my fault.

It’s all over.